Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
