is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
