He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
