i wish peter jackson would direct porn
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
