This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize