Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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