I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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