you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize