hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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