When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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