Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
