Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
