i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
