"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
