it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize