I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I will be naked everywhere
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
