onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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