I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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