well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
