fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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