Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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