your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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