You made me cry and you don't even care
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
