I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
