Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
