So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Semen is not good for contacts.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
