I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
