i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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