He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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