She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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