the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
My liver just had a heart attack.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
