Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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