So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
