i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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