I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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