I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
