I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
