It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
