My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
