It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
