Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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