just tell him i said nine months
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
