im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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