carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
