i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
