Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Too much gin, very little bucket
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
