good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
