I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
