..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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