its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize