i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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