On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
