I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Come back. Shots need mouths.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Randomize