I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
