my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
