He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
