No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
