Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
