4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You may now shotgun with the bride
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
