the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
