You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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