Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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