Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
