I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
