There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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