Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
