What a fucking waste of an outfit
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
