People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
