It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
