video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
