i wish starbucks made bloody marys
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
