dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
