Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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