It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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