I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
