that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Welp...herpes.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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