There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
