i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
