a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
