u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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