Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
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