party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
