barbara walters just said penis...
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
