a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Let's get the cat blown out
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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