he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
