new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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