I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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