he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
