when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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