I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
