With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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