And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
