I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I just gift wrapped bread.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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