Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
no. you can't hotbox the world.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
