its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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