I think i peed on brittanys purse
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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