I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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