Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
